Evil Diaries: Love (Of A Motor Car) For Sale

My medical condition (neuropathy) and restrictions imposed by Sadiq Khan, the Mayor of London and general jumped up squirt compels the sale of my 1989 olive-green Mercedes 500SEL, which a classic car expert once told me is the last of the real Mercedes. He added: “They do not make them like that anymore.”

The first owner was Roland Shaw CBE, an American in London, from 1989 to 2003 when he died and I inherited it. Roland, born in 1920, had in 1944 captained a 1,000 bomber raid on Germany. This entailed flattening German town after German town. One of these towns was the home of a young lady, who bore at least six first names and whom he did not kill. Thus when, shortly afterwards, Roland was implementing the reconstruction of Germany in terms of the Marshall plan under the remarkable German banker, Herman Abs, he returned and married her.

Roland later became chairman of Premier Oil, one of the first oil groups to develop the North Sea and was extremely reliable when issuing measures of spirits. He used Roosevelt’s two finger approach – i.e. an extended index finger and an extended little finger to determine the depth of the measure.

Events moved on and he and I lunched perhaps once a month at such as Buck’s and the Goring. Thus his daughters very kindly saw that the Mercedes became mine on his death in 2003.

It was chauffeur-maintained during his ownership and I have driven it only 50,000 miles to date. It shows circa 225,000 miles on the clock and has done 125 mph. I expect it still would in a licensed area. Otherwise there are minor quibbles. I think there are superb steel-framed canvas deck chairs in the boot and other vital equipment to allow Krug-fuelled day trips to Ascot, Newmarket and beyond.

Offers, please, to me: Simon Cawkwell on 020 7835 0868 – cawkwell@btinternet.com

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It is a mystery to me as how Dr Martens (DOCS) sells its boots. They are described as iconic but strike me as extraordinarily clumsy and ugly and achieving the unique result of making the wearer appear mentally subnormal and eligible for this cameo role in Lord Snooty and his pals. Now c. 95p. That’s a share and not the maximum recommended price for a pair of boots.

Over at Curry’s (CURY) a bid above 70p seems a dead cert. It might even get into the 80p+ range. Quite why CURY sits at 65p I have no idea.